How to Suffer

by Richard McGraw

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about

How to Suffer, a record or album of songs by Richard McGraw

credits

released July 10, 2016

all songs
by richard mcgraw except
shivering spine
by richard mcgraw and ben sadock

produced
by alexander foote and richard mcgraw

recorded and mixed
at beech house by mark nevers

tragedy, tv, silver trays & lonely animal recorded
in brooklyn by alexander foote

mastered
at yes master studios by jim demain, assisted by amy marie

string arrangements
by alexander foote

son of a ghost choral arrangement
by matt kanelos

strings recorded
at the bunker studio by todd carder

players:

Marie Lewis: Vocals
Ben Sadock: Vocals
Matt Kanelos Vocals

Tony Crow: Piano
Byron House: Bass
Bryon Owings: Drums

Karen Waltuch: Viola
Christopher Hoffman: Cello
Christina Courtin: Violin
Nathan Kamal: Violin
Ryan Keberle: Trombone

children's choir:
Catherine Ornsby
Renee Ryan, Justine Janicot,
Amandine Houllier

Lee Petruzzelli: Pedal Steel

Tim Collins: Vibes

Mark Nevers: Distortion

Jay Foote: Bass

Alexander Foote: Everything Else

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license

all rights reserved

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about

Richard McGraw New York, New York

singer/songwriter

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Track Name: Tragedy
Tragedy, slip from my heart
‘cause I’d like to try
to make a new start
with light in the morning
and love in the dark
Sadness, all of my life
I’ve seen you around corners
where old men reside
You find me in bedrooms
where young love once lie
and now you’ll find me
trying to say goodbye, goodbye
Can I follow the rainbow? Can I follow the heart?
Tragedy is that all you got?
Someone is here
then someone is not
and some things you have
and some things you want
Is that all you got?
Can I follow the rainbow? Can I follow the heart?
And if I follow the rainbow, can I follow the heart?
Well I followed the heart, I followed the rainbow
and there were good things
inside of me awaiting a stranger
I followed the heart, I followed the rainbow
and there were good times and labor
and the dread of forever
and the heart was a bicycle and love helped me sing
and an angel called tragedy takes everything
so we follow the heart, we follow the rainbow
and now you’ll see me try
trying to say goodbye, goodbye
Track Name: Infinite Mind
I don’t need much, the sun and a touch
You might need more, like the son of a whore
Digging our graves the old fashion way
while working full-time
Infiite Mind where have you been my whole...?
Your Hamptons home is all alone
I’d like to see infinity
It gets so scary when I try
Should I pray or should I cry?
Infinite Heart where have you been my whole...?
Nuts and butts and gentlemen
waiting for the world to end
and perfect summer days
Your new degree, a pleasantry
This prison cell was made for me
I get so grateful I could die
For every love there is a lie
Infinite Mind, I heard your light is the light
And your right can wrong every right
So why can’t you be here with me most of the...?
Nuts and butts and getlemen
waiting for the world to end
and perfect summer days
Lusty busty gentle friends
and every beast you couldn’t mend
to make you feel this way
Deep sea dirt and graveyard grass
and helicopters flying past
on perfect summer days
Track Name: Lovely Lanes of Hope
And when I miss her I’ll feel the pain
and when I die I’ll be born again
There’s something drawing me to you
Ooh ooh ooh
I wanna drive across this land
sink my feet into the sand
forget that I am just a man
forget that too, ooh
And all these lovely lanes of hope
And all these lover’s lanes say nope
And every time I bought their dope
when I held you
I walked through flames of movie dreams
became this heavy hearted king
I once saw love in everything
when I held you, ooh
Like a God and like a man
and like some desperate reaching hand
there’s something in these worn-out plans
that led me to you
And like a child and like the sea
I had to love, you had to leave
and all that is was meant to be
until it’s through
Track Name: Silver Trays
Pete will take me back again
He’s mellowed out and hiring
and I’ve sold out and I am looking
These songs they get me nowhere fast
I’ll work the counter and I’ll sell 
whatever goddamn thing sells the best
‘Cause mom and daddy they got money
but not enough to make life funny
I got an education girl
It just made me smart about this stupid world
I married once or twice again, I just ended up losing
another one or two of my best friends
‘Cause I had plans to do great things
with this bottle in my hand and this knucke by my ring
and I don’t know, I don’t know
so all the little children go,
“Is every door half open or half closed?”
Well I used to work for a girl
she sat behind a glass table
I thought she was a woman or a wounded animal
She would call to me from the den
show me her white fangs again
and I’d return the silver tray back to the kitchen
‘Cause she had money and just enough
to make me bend, bow, kneel, and bluff 
and I don’t know, I don’t know
so all the Roger Daltreys go,
“I hope I die before I get old”
Well I tried to be a priest
but there was too much to believe
I tried to be intellectual
but that wasn’t very sensual
I tried manual labor
I even mowed my mother’s lawn for her
She just gave me twenty dollars
and told me not to quit my day job
I said, “Fine mom, I’d rather be a bum
because at least bums have more fun”
She said, “Without health insurance
you’ll just end up with a broken arm
and who’s gonna pay for them broken bones,
them student loans, that brand new guitar
That don’t sound like much of a rock star!”
Winter spring summer fall
I found it hard to screw it all
I tore my jeans and ripped my sleeves
put tattoos on my arms and knees
There’s comfort in the office chair
I put more gel into my hair 
There are open mic night slutty scenes
to fill my horny rockstar dreams
There are lost and found little children all around
and if you’re born above the middle
you still end up underground
And I don’t know, I don’t know
So all the little children go,
“Is every door half open or half closed?”
I dont know, so all the Roger Daltreys go,
“I hope I die before I get old”
I don’t know
Track Name: Son of a Ghost
You did your best
that tattoo on your chest
and God only knows
and it takes one to know one I suppose
‘Cause you have to lose
everything that you bruise
Well it’s just common sense
If it aint a cliché, well lets make it one
Son of a ghost
And those were not the good ol’ days
I was hoplessly horny
you were subtly crazed
And you had quite the temper
for some two-hand touch
on some mid-September
Then you hurt my soul
with your Asian friend
that I did not know
My toenails were long
I guess that was wrong
but you kept going on
Son of a ghost
Maybe we never clicked
long enough for our love to stick
But there once was some magic
when you called me money grip
And I’m still afraid
of every child that has never been saved
and I heard you got a gun
I guess you needed one
or maybe that shit’s fun
Son of a ghost
Track Name: Sadness
Sadness, you want to be with me
all night and all day
You always find a secret door
Someone I loved before
but I can’t love no more
And maybe it might feel better
And maybe it won’t feel any better
For every girl that I loved before
there’s always one more
there’s always some secret door
and love can be such a simple thing
the cover of a magazine
she was always so beautiful to me
and maybe it might feel better
and maybe it won’t feel any better
Sadness, I know you miss that touch
I know you’re wondering
I know what seasons bring
but I can’t seem to figure out
what time is all about
and is there mercy for me?
Maybe it might feel better
And maybe it won’t feel any better, in time
Track Name: How to Suffer
How many times must I lose you?
I guess once ain’t enough
Seems like everytime you call here
My heart is your body
You taught me about awe
and I taught you how to suffer.
And love, sweet love
you leave me
then burn
then return
And all things must leave girl
And all things must go
But just the other day
I was free girl
And love, sweet love
you leave me
then burn
then return
In my days I find myself in dream
And in my nights I want you here with me
And love, sweet love
you leave me
then burn
then return
you leave me
Don’t burn
Please return
Track Name: Letting Go of Lindsey
On a numb dumb Sunday morning
as you walk into the church
of your one bedroom apartment
where the worship tends to hurt
There’s a fire inside your lonely
There’s a weight upon your heart
There’s a doctor you cannot afford
A life waisted on art
and a queue of pains inside your brain
one’s about to start
It’s like letting go of Linsdey
and the promises she made
to write you every Thursday 
to visit at your grave
Now you’re walking with the wounded 
I guess none of that has changed
and you offered her your blood and guts
your promise and your name
and looking back on everything
nothing looks the same
It’s like letting go of Lindsey
was the hardest thing to do
so you locked yourself into some hopeless hell
just to get through, wah hoo
The only love to speak of 
is the doormat in your chest
That disappearing everything
well even that has left
and oh that bit of bitterness
it just wants you to feel
the way she stepped upon your heart
before she left for real, wah hoo
Track Name: Lonely Animal
I made it through sorrow
What else could I do?
With a girl in my heart
and a foot in my shoe
I thought g-d was emptiness
I thought there was prayer
There was just a lonely animal
and a boy who likes to stare
Forever forever forever and forever
I walked over walls
to find someone like you
then you hurt me and I hurt myself 
What else could I do?
Why Mr. Hungry?
Why are you starved?
Is love just an answer?
Is that what you are?
Forever forever forever and forever
What else could I do
except cut the chord?
Sit with the pain, until it applauds
Time can be gentle
a hand in your hair
and me I still love you
and you, you are not there
Forever forever forever and forever
I know, I know, I know you can’t hear me
see me, feel me, touch me, and heal me
Forever forever forever and forever
Track Name: 35-45
Look at all these pills
Look up at these stairs
Look at all the lovers you set free
Angel wings and stupid things
are made for men like me
but some men need the darkness just to see
35/45 got your head on right, got your stride
When you were an animal 
love was just a dream
you’ve been climbing your whole life to see
Now that you’re a child of God
or something in between
is everything still beautiful and mean?
35/45 got your head on right, got your stride
35/45 with that enemy by your side
And love oh light might have made you
Well you were young then, thought it could save you
All that cold and those years that you have sold
and the love that you hold tight at night
Does that make it allright?
Look at all the years you tried
and what they all could mean
like some old puzzle in a magazine
The wishing well, the things you sell
the graveyard and the trees
they got love that you cannot receive 
35/45 got your head on right, got your stride
35/45 with that enemy by your side
Track Name: The End
Dearest friends
the end is near
one last day of love
and fear
Track Name: Shivering Spine
In the town that my body was born in
there’s a graveyard with my family tree
There’s a hill where the still likes to find me there
like a love that you lost though you never can tell
Just how long is this infinite spell?
For there’s life between the old haunting dream
and the old shivering spine
There’s a God deep in the desert
There’s a home somewhere inside me
There’s a song that I sing when I lose my way
and a girl I remember when I need her that way 
I might always need her that way
For there’s life between the old haunting dream
and the old shivering spine
So I long for the things not inside me
in my square-wheeled chair I sing
And the face of a bride that I never can hide
like her body, the ocean, and the old oceanside
and them voices that desperately sigh
That there’s life between the old haunting dream
and the old shivering spine 
Track Name: Grandma
Grandma left us this time last year
and I still don’t know why I’m here
Mama still cries herself to sleep
but all that dark just keeps me awake
Put on the TV what else can you do?
You can only make love for so long
All those feelings used to be so strong
I guess feelings they die too
If only God knew how sorry I am
If only I could see Christ rise again
When Grandma said she was afraid to die
was it her in that bed or was it I
Mom laid by her side and held her so right
Saying everything’s gonna be alright
Grandma used to sleep with the TV on
It’s better then dark, it’s kinda like dawn
Maybe in my childhood something went wrong,
but I don’t think I’ll get away with this one
And my best friend let me down again
Guess that’s why he’s my best friend
Says he’s going back to the old high school
Says the girls are pretty there, prettier then you
And I still think of Grandma from time to time
going back to work when the sun is shining
One of these days I’m gonna be a big man
One of these days I’m gonna learn to die
If only God knew how sorry I am
If only I could see Christ rise again
‘Cause grandma left us this time last year
and she didn’t leave us so well
Some smile and pray, some scream and yell
and inside I’m screaming like hell
Mama still cries herself to sleep
but all that dark just keeps me awake
Put on the TV what else can you do
You can only make love for so long